A Reality Worth Dreaming About

Last night I went and saw a movie called "Inception" with a friend. The movie was about dreams and a subplot focused on a characters inability to decipher between what was reality and what was not. The character got so caught up in her dream world with the people she loved, she lost a grip on reality.

This idea struck a chord with me. Last night my dreams were filled with happy memories. They took me back to a time and place where I loved and was loved in return. Back to the time when I loved so deeply, that even the idea of being apart was painful. I liked that time. I liked the smiles, the familiar phrases, the spontaneous laughter, and the excitement for a future together.

Part of me wishes I didn't wake up today. I wish I could have stayed in that dream world a little longer. Another part of me wishes my subconscious would stop reminding me that I still care.

Waking up from this world is really hard. Being reminded of reality when how things were and should have been is just a dream away makes you feel like you've relived the whole experience in the split second between sleep and awake. It is an emotionally draining way to start your day.

I worry that I am starting to forget the injustices and the "fundamental differences". Forgetting the bad is leaving me with more pronounced memories of the good and I feel incredibly vulnerable.

I have a good life now. It's filled with people that love me, independence, and self-awareness. I thought this new and good life would help me to stop missing the past, but the constant and subtle ache lingers. I miss the little things. I miss Crate and Barrel glasses stacked along side the bed...

I need to stay away from this dream world. I need to remember the disregard and deception. I cannot romanticize the past and hope to move forward.

I need to wake up. Wake up when I am weak. Wake up when I wonder or wish to go back to the way things were. Wake up from the peaceful reality of my dreams so I can more diligently create a reality worth dreaming about.

Golden Day

On June 25th, 2010, I turned 25 years old. For some childish reason, I have been looking forward to this "Golden Birthday" for years. After much deliberation over what to do to make it memorable, I settled upon a PCH road trip with the one and only KHill. I was not disappointed by this decision.

Our first stop was UC Berkeley which was fairly uneventful other than being followed by a GreenPeace lesbian who informed us of the Gay Pride weekend and parade taking place in San Fran.  We cancelled our reservation at the SF hostel, booked a hotel outside of the city, and I signed up for GreenPeace.

Next we headed into the city and went to the Great Park Museum to see an Impressionist exhibit that was on loan from the Musee D'Orsey. Some of my all time favorite paintings were on display and having dabbled into oil painting lately I developed an even greater appreciation for the talent of these Frenchmen. In San Francisco we also drove around the city, down Lombard street and meet up with some friends for dinner. It was a great day.

We stayed in Santa Cruz and I woke up the next morning and explored the little beach town on my run. I have a slight obsession with sightseeing while running. It is just so exhilarating! I loved Santa Cruz. We stumbled upon a Woodie's "expo", went on the Giant Dipper roller coaster and watched what seemed like extreme surfing to me.

Our next stop was Monterrey where we went to the aquarium and had dinner. I LOVED the otters there. It was awesome because they were not only playful and fun at the aquarium but they were also easily spotted all along the coast! That night we stayed at a hostel and met people from all over the country and world. Haha, I think it was one of the best things I have ever done. From now on, I will definitely check into hostels for my US travels. You just can't beat a clean bed, timed showers and diverse company for 20 bucks a night!

The next morning we drove through Pebble Beach and Big Sur. We stopped in San Luis Obispo and watched the World Cup over a hamburger and sweet potato fries and visited the bubble gum ally (GROSS) and the mission. I really liked the feel of San Luis Obispo and am going to check out the grad program offerings there. From SLO, we continued to drive through Santa Barbara, Ventura and Malibu and ended up back in LA where we started.

Doing this trip with Kristen was perfect. She was an excellent travel companion and we had plenty to discuss and analyze for 3 days straight. I couldn't have asked for a better weekend to celebrate my 25th!