Fall in Recap

Disclaimer: this blog is freaking boring at first because it is just a recap. No creativity went into this writing. I am falling asleep as I write it, but it may be worthwhile to remember one day. :)

A lot has happened since I last posted. In October I went to Washington DC and NYC to check out graduate schools, specifically George Washington University and Columbia. The trip was really just an excuse to go back East for the fall and I had a great time traveling with my friend Sugar and visiting Aubrey, Julia, Cindy, Christina, Caitlyn and many other friends who happened to be in the city. I thought visiting the campuses of the universities I was most interested in would really help move me in a direction toward grad school, but I found that I was not very impressed by George Washington and discovered I needed a little more time to refine exactly what I wanted to study within the field of education. When I got back from my trip, I started applying to teaching positions again. At this point I was feeling more than fed up with retail, I had been working at Nordstrom since July, due to the inconvenient hours, stress on my feet and little pay. I explored international teaching positions earlier in the year, but the timing was off. I liked the idea of teaching abroad, but was not emotionally in a place where I could really handle the added stress of being away from everything familiar.

As I returned from my October trip, on a whim I applied to an English teaching position in Korea. A recruiter called me that day to interview me and by the end of the week I had interviewed with the director of a hugwon in Busan and been offered a job to start in December. After some discussion and research I accepted the job and began to live my life louder than I had the courage to do in years.

November and December of 2010 were more fun than I can remember having in a long time. I had no inhibitions and was finally willing to let new people into my life. Before I accepted the job, I intentionally was spending my time with people that weren’t worth it. I was afraid to create meaningful relationships again because I didn’t want to open myself up to being hurt by anyone else. Having a departure date gave me confidence to make friendships. I didn’t think anything could get too deep in a two month period, so I was safe to live and love openly and then say goodbye. I did live and love openly. I went on a girls trip to Vegas, went to clubs in LA and Orange County, went to organized activities with other LDS friends, I went to parties, I danced with friends, I danced alone in my room, I sang in the shower, I spent time spoiling Max and Audrey, I was spontaneous, I smiled all the time and I made up for all the laughing I’d missed out on. Living so freely felt incredible and probably had a greater healing impact than anything to this point.

My plan to have fun then peace out, did not exactly go according to plan. Much to my surprise, I made friends that I am deeply attached to. I don’t know what happened to me in the mess of marriage and divorce, but I somehow forgot or didn’t believe that people really cared to get to know me and then would continue to care about me unless there was something in it for them. I was highly sensitive to being manipulated or used and additionally felt like I had little to offer seeing as I couldn’t trust people and was unsure about my beliefs.

This group of friends did not see the person I saw. They openly loved and accepted all of me. Their words were always kind and encouraging. They were interested in listening to what I was going through and were accepting of the things I struggled accepting about myself. They gave hugs freely, laughed easily and could go from dancing to deep conversation within minutes. Some of these friendships were established weeks before I left, but I know they are going to still be there when I get back. I am moved and deeply emotional due to the gratitude I feel for these people in my life. At a time when I have given God the least amount of attention he deserves, I can’t help but be humbled by this testimony that he still cares about me and wants me to have hope, friendship and love in my life.

I am in Korea now, starting another chapter. There will be more to come!

Here are a few pics of these beloved months and friends: