LOVES of 2011: Places

The experience of scanning through my 1700+ photos from 2011 is exhilarating. I wouldn't change the places I've been and the things I've seen for anything. Here are a few highlights of the places I've seen and loved. 

Seoul, South Korea, June 2011.
This picture was taken from a look out point on a mountain in the middle of the city. You can sense the vast amount of people (about 44,000 per square mile), the summer heat, haze and pollution, yet the quick and easy get away as Korea is riddled with mountains. 

Shinsegae, Centum City, Haeundae, Busan, South Korea, January 2011.
This is taken outside a subway stop and the largest department store...apparently in the world! I spent many times meeting friends for lunch, going to yoga classes and my favorite jimjilbang, SpaLand, at this mall. 

Patronas Towers, Kuala, Lumpur, Malaysia, January 2011.
It was a short trip, but a good one. Southeast Asia is so different from Northern Asia. I can't wait to get back and learn more!

Haedong Yunggunsa Temple, Haeundae, Busan, South Korea, March 2011.
One of the few temples build along the coastline. Also one of my favorites to visit in each season. 

Haedong Yonggunsa Temple
Cherry blossoms and a statue I always enjoyed seeing.

Hopbolsa Temple, Nopodong, Busan, South Korea, April 2011.

Forbidden City, Beijing, China, May 2011.

Great Wall of China, May, 2011.

Beomosa, Busan, South Korea, June 2011.
One of my favorite hikes behind the Beomosa temple. You could essentially bolder up the mountain.

Sajik Stadium, Sajik, Busan, South Korea, June 2011.
Baseball is very popular in Korea and I loved watching the game, sunset and mountain backdrop on summer nights. 

Geumjeong Mountain, Oncheonjang, Busan, South Korea, January-November 2011.
I could walk to the base of this mountain in 20 minutes, or take a taxi or bus in less than 5 from my apartment door. This hike was my favorite! The bolder I'm standing on is also my favorite. It juts off the cliff of the mountain and you get an incredible view of PNU all the way to Gwangali. I had many good conversations and many quiet moments alone on this mountain. Many moments of serenity belongs to it.

Seokbolsa, Geumjeong Mountain, Busan, South Korea. January and July 2011.
My first and favorite little mountain temple. 

Strands, Laguna Beach, California, USA, July 2011.
Home isn't a bad place to spend a few weeks either. 

Catalina, California, USA, July 2011.
The summer is not complete without a sail over to Catalina. 

Haeundae, Busan, South Korea, August 2011.
Beach season in Haeundae was a rush. This span of the city didn't sleep for three months straight. There were always crowds of people, K-pop performances and occasionally monster monsoon waves! This view is from the top roof of a building in Dongbaek. 

DMZ, South Korea, September 2011.
I wasn't allowed to take pictures beyond this point, but my run inside the DMZ was beautiful. The bucolic mountains were almost untouched and it was probably one of the only times I heard silence in Korea. 

Kiyomizu-dera Temple, Kyoto, Japan, September 2011. 

Kinkaku-ji Temple, Kyoto, Japan, September 2011.  

Fushimi Inari-Taisha Shrine, Kyoto, Japan, September 2011.

Sumo, Tokya, Japan, September 2011.

Hiroshima, Japan, September 2011.

Jagalchi Market, Nampodong, Busan, South Korea. November 2011.

Oryuk-do ROK Naval Base, Busan, South Korea, October 2011.
A US aircraft carrier from Japan came to port on weekend. The ship was massive and gave me a better idea of what my deployed friends may be experiencing while away.

Jeju Island, South Korea. October 2011. 

Jeju Island, South Korea, October 2011. 

Namsan Tower, Seoul, South Korea, October 2011. 

International Bipolar Disorder

I wish days and distances would disappear. I want the days to stop moving forward and I want to be in the future now.

I want to be hiking in Coto early in the morning with Aubs and Champ. I want to be having brunch with my mom, Jen, Elise and my nieces and nephews at Cinnamon Productions. I want to be sitting on the beach in Saint Vincent taking 100s of pictures and talking about saving the world with Erica and Stephanie. I want to be in Utah going on a short run around Spanish Fork with my darling students-runners from ALA. I want contemplate a thousand questions that can't be answered over a Pesto Quesadilla at Guru's with Addie. I want to walk around the streets of Paris with Kristen discussing our future plans and laughing with insecurity that we're actually going for it. I want to end the night at Basement, dancing and chatting through all sorts of language barriers with my friends from Korea, Japan, South Africa, Ireland, Indonesia, China, etc!!! I don't want to sleep. I don't want my days or nights to end. I want the next day to be filled with road trips up the coast, NYC cafe's and shows, and feeling small in Yosemite, Iquazu falls, Angkor Watt, and on my little sailboat in the middle of the ocean with my dad.

Today I want to be everywhere and I want to see everyone, yet the emotion of having to choose one thing and one person at a time is paralyzing. I have 12 days to say goodbye and simultaneously be excited for my reunions with home. Balancing my emotions is difficult.

I feel bipolar. I have the highest highs. I LOVE my life, my friends and my experiences in Korea. I love the stranger who smiles at me, the ajimmas that proudly ask if the gimbop was masshisayo. I love laughing at my students creative essays and listening to their stories about head-cutter machines, ghosts and visiting grandma's house (my students are weird!). I love my mountain hikes and river runs. I love how I feel when my Korean girl friends say hello. I love my routine phone calls to my BFIKs on my bus ride to work each day. The amount of love I have for this place is overwhelming and as I make an effort to indulge in every bit of it as I can before I go, sometimes I become completely deplete of emotion and must feel sad for a moment. Sad that it's coming to an end and sad simply because I need to come down from the high of it all.

I'm excited to go home. I don't know what home will hold for me, but I know it's where my family and childhood friends are. These people have taken a continued interest in my life even though I've been far away for a long time. I'm overwhelmed again by the love many people at home have for me. How did I become so lucky!?! How is it that I can have friends, family and communities all over the world that I love and love me back? How did I gain this perspective and how can I be sure never to loose it? How can I be sure that they know how much I value and appreciate them? I want them to know how grateful I am that their actions have taught me how to love and trust again.

I've never been here before. I think about where I was two years ago and am humbled by the contrast. That ending was filled with so much sorrow and this ending is filled with so much joy. I want to be here forever. I hope this exuberance is never stifled by another hard time or scared to truly show because of insecurity. I hope I can be a pathogen and that this love for life is contagious. I know I caught it from others and am eternally grateful they could share it with me.

I can't think of a better gift then the ability to love one's life. Thank you to those who have helped me develop this part of me. I hope I can do the same for your throughout our friendships regardless of time and distance.

I LOVE.

What I Want From ME

I think today is the first day since I arrived in Korea that I stayed home on a Friday night, went to bed early and then spent the entire day alone at home. It's been awesome! Lately I have felt haggard! Living in a foreign country is awesome because there is ALWAYS something new to do or see, but when you work full time and then spend all the rest of your free time chasing after these experiences, you get a little worn out!

With moving home in 6 weeks, I've been left contemplating, what next? I am pretty confident in my future education and career goals, but would like to think more about important and lasting personal goals. The goals that will determine much of who I will be as my life progresses on. I have really avoided thinking about these goals for a good 6 months because the goals themselves are scary! When you look at yourself and determine who you really want to be, there is not a person in the world that will set a higher standard than yourself. There is no one but you that can tell whether or not that ambition has been realized. And the nature of such goals can feel fleeting. They require attention and effort every single day to at least be on a road to gain them. The good news is character is the result. Character is the accumulation of consistent good decisions. It is manifested in great moments but built on small ones.

I have isolated 6 character traits that are important to me. If I could remember these traits to some extent each day in my life, I would be proud. If years down the road I could look back on my life and use these words to describe the time I spent among my fellowmen, I could rest happy.

I want to be:

1. Compassionate: Compassion shows love for even strangers. Sometimes being compassionate is exhausting. There is too much pain and suffering in the world to allow yourself to feel it all, but I hope to make the choice to feel. I hope to avoid distancing myself from other peoples suffering. That is selfish not preserving. Compassion leads to love and service. It doesn't have time for insecurity or selfishness because it paves the way for action. If I can look with compassion at the people I meet, I won't be able to stand still, I won't do things out of obligation, I will be present, body and spirit. I hope to live with a little more compassion in my life.

2. Courageous: Fear is everywhere and ruins everything! Simply put, fear robs dreams. I don't want to be oblivious to fear. I want to understand it, I want to feel it and then look it right in the eye and move forward. I don't want anything to have control over my life, least of all, fear. Fear comes in all shapes and sizes. Fear of failure, fear of lose, fear of disappointment, fear of rejection, fear of loneliness. Fear manifests itself in anxiety, confusion, and depression. Such terrible things can be overcome with that one word, courage! I want to be courageous. I need to spend the time to analyze why I'm dragging my feet on anything good, identify what it is that I'm afraid of and move on. I have yet to be in a life or death situation...what is the worst thing that could happen from being courageous...I may fail! I love the quote, "Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail Better." Being courageous keeps you moving forward. It opens up opportunities and experiences you may miss out on if you let fear take control.

3. Exuberant: If you know me, the real me, you know I LOVE LIFE!!! Often times I want to shout at the top of my lungs how amazed I am by the skyline of trees or the crashing of waves or the kindness of a stranger. Life is beautiful!! People are good! I never want to loose my excitement, my whole body belief that there is so much good to just feel. I love letting that recognition possess me. I love sharing my exuberance for life with others. It's so good...can you feel it?

4. Grateful: If I can maintain an attitude of gratitude (-.-) everything else will come easier. Gratitude keeps you safe from selfishness and disappointment. It doesn't expect anything and builds greater relationships, confidence, humility and charity. I feel gratitude often, but I hope I can vocally express it more! I am so grateful to my God, my family, my friends, and the everyday stranger that smiles at me. I'm grateful for my mind, my faith, my health, my opportunity to work, live and create relationships. Making a mental effort to be grateful for what you have will make each day feel a little better.

5. Involved: I want to be involved, but only in the right things. I want to be involved in my family and friends lives. I don't want to be overly involved, but enough so I know what's going on and enough that they know I'm there when they need me. And with that, I want to BE THERE! I don't want to miss being there for someone I love because I didn't take the time to really know them. I don't want to be so involved in something inconsequential that it takes away from the relationships that really matter. Work, church, community outreach, service organizations are all important, but with involvement I hope to maintain perspective. Where should I involve my time? What is most important? Where can I do the most good? I hope to be a little more involved in things that are good and uplifting.

6. Inner Peace: Inner peace is my measuring tool on how I'm doing with everything else. If I can take a look at myself and feel peace, then I'm doing all right. Inner peace, like all good things, requires effort. It will only be gained by making those small, good decisions daily and can only be recognized when I take the time to meditate and assess where I am at and what I need to change. It is easy to tell when something is off because inner peace can be interrupted so easily. Anxiety and confusion are the key perpetrators of my inner peace. Even if I'm not perfect, I feel peace when I can honestly look at myself and know I am at least on the path I want to be on. The moments of self-loathing or insecurity are the moments I've strayed off into the bushes. I hope my desire to have inner peace will keep me accountable to all that is good.

I hope I can think about these 6 goals, or values regularly. I hope they can become a part of me. I hope I can recognize the people and environments that move me toward the path I want to be on and the avoid the ones that create distance. I hope these values help me fight the fear associated with the more material life goals that should stop hiding in the back of my mind, namely committed relationships (not even brave enough to use the M word!) and family. If there's anything beautiful about this post, it's that it's full of hope. There were moments I didn't think such hope existed in my heart anymore. Humanity is good. It's resilient. And so am I.

DMZ Marathon

After months of study, I am sitting at my desk this morning completely unable to focus on another freaking math problem, so I figured I'd take a break and try catching up on my blog. Lately life has been coming at me faster than I can keep up with it, so I'll have to spend some time backtracking.

One of my best weekends in Korea thus far was September 3-4th when I caravaned up to Seoul with really great company and ran a marathon along the DMZ. For the sake of time, this entry is going to be a quick photo journal!

Pre-race carbo-loading at Chile's on the Osan Air Force Base. Bottomless chips and salsa is RARE treat when living in Korea! 

Food! All of these dishes were consumed by one person....

Jean-Paul!!

Mid-race snapshot. We're smiling, so maybe it was closer to the beginning of the race. This is my friend, Dave, who totally made this weekend happen. Not to mention he ran 13.1 miles, downed a Dr. Pepper and then came back to basically carry me through my last few miles. I couldn't have done it without him! 

The course was in a huge valley between some breath-taking mountains. It was absolutely beautiful. Although, there were a few moments where I was out in the middle of the DMZ, hot, tired, alone and even fearful to run to a bush to go to the bathroom because of the mine signs everywhere! Not necessarily a place I'd want to be stranded alone for a long period of time. 

Along the way there were Korean soldiers lined up, cheering, giving us high fives and encouraging us to keep, "fighting!". I naturally ran a little faster through and loved the attention. ^-^

Abandoned building at the boarder of the DMZ

Check point onto the DMZ. No pictures aloud beyond this point.

Exhausted!!!

Resting after too much running! I wasn't sure if I'd be able to stand up again at this point!

Change of clothes, momentary light headedness, sore muscles, but happily still fighting!!!

 I think I have a slight love affair with running!

Shannon in Korea

Time for another self analysis recap. I know I probably spend too much time gaging where I'm at, but it's just what needs to be done for me to be at a level of self-awareness I'm comfortable with.

I'm coming upon my 9th month in Korea and I feel like a different person from the one I was when I left the US. When I left home although a year had past, I still felt a little shell-shocked. I felt like the slightest turbulence could have me violently rocking. I wasn't sure what I wanted, all I knew was that I needed time to myself.

My first few months in Korea, I spent a lot of my free time worrying about big religious questions. I felt a lot of pressure to figure out what I believed and to figure it out quick. Answers weren't coming easily. I was still effected by the emotion of my situation and a little high strung because the shadow of failing was getting closer every day I didn't have the answers I felt people expected me to have.

I met some unique friends early on. Complete lovers of life. There wasn't a person they didn't want to get to know or a situation they were afraid of. They loved everyone and expressed it openly. These friends had incredible energy and I felt relaxed and uplifted when I was around them. I don't know what religion they are or what they believe, but each moment of their lives was filled with caring for others and gratitude and humility for the moments they were living. I was struck by their ability to be Christlike, I spent my free time with them and let that confidence they exuded be seen in myself. I stopped worrying about religious dogmas and started worrying about people. I smiled at everyone I met and didn't let a language barrier prevent friendships, laughter or amiable-everyday interactions. I laughed through the months of April and May and felt free to just be myself, that person that I am constantly trying to be aware of, for the first time in a very long time.

When my friends left in June, I was SAD! I struggled to find friends with their same genuine kindness and energy. I now had the confidence to make friends easily, and naturally saw the best in the people, but quickly learned I needed to be better at discerning between people who had potential to be great and people who were great. I often reminded myself to remember to be picky about the company I keep. Although I enjoy meeting and getting to know most people, I really value those few people I can connect with and are edifying to be around.

July was a difficult month. I learned that I am not good at working for 7 months straight without a break. Crazy Koreans - take a holiday for heaven's sake! The week before my trip home to see my family, I stopped sleeping regularly and felt on edge. I managed to burst a blood vessel in my eye I was so worn down. I don't know if the stress came from working or going home. But after a break at home, I felt rejuvenated and ready for the next 5 months.

August was spent feeding ambition that thankfully returned with force. I was running a lot in prep for a marathon, researching grad schools and studying for the GRE. Other free time was spent with the friends I already knew and cared about doing the things we enjoyed. I had a few  occasions where I wasted my time with poor company and it left me feeling really disappointed in myself for days. Guilt is a powerful weapon! I haven't made the same mistake since and my future calendar is filled with weekend trips, dinners and projects.

It's September now and I continue to be busy with graduate school prep. I spend a lot of time thinking about what I am going to do for the 8 months between Korea and the start of graduate school. I really like the person I have developed into while living in Korea. I have a lot more confidence than before and am okay if people don't like or understand me. (Being a perpetual people pleaser was exhausting!) I am okay with who I am today. There are still things I hope to become or hope to believe, but I understand that development is a never ending process. Character is developed by the accumulation of small good decisions over a life time.

Sometimes I am nervous to go home. I don't want the confident, friendly person I am in Korea, to fade away. I don't want the small pressures and arguments of family, friends, finance, church, and politics to take away from the lightness I feel. Is Korea an escape or can I continue to be the calm and carefree person I am now in America? How can I ensure that the person I am here, today, can also be a part of me in another environment? With that said, the environment must change. I can't stay in Korea any longer than a year. I've done all the growing I can do here. It is time to go home and be challenged with something new.

I've loved Korea and will continue to LIVE and cherish my last 3 months here. ^-^

Temple Stay Thoughts

(Written on August 21st)

Last night I had a really unique opportunity to stay at Buddhist temple and learn about Buddhism as it applies to traditional Korean religion and culture and, more interestingly, I was able to learn from a Zen Buddhist monk from Detroit about non-Buddhism and spirituality. The experience in entirety was unique and uplifting. Here are a few of the thoughts I came away with: 

Thoughts to remember:

If we live in a way in which we are fully present in the moment, we can more easily live out our fullest potential and be happy. Learn to be ever-present in the moment at hand. As we focus on failures or disappointments of the past or fears or anxieties of the future we are robbing ourselves of the precious gift of the here and now. Be aware and grateful of your environment. Be completely present in the conversations you have, food you eat, words you say. Try to live each moment.

As I was meditating it was really difficult for me to just be present. My mind was constantly running through the past and future. I was making to do list, worrying about the past, worrying about the future. It was 4:30am. I was in a beautiful temple in the countryside of Korea. The air was crisp and cold from the late night rain. It was silent as I sat by others who breathed in the stillness. Whose energy spoke of service and ease or at least a search for to obtain such. What was I going to do to solve all the anxieties that kept popping into my mind at that time? NOTHING! Even though it was only for seconds at a time, each one of those worries was taking away my ability to fully appreciate and live in that very beautiful moment. That was when I realized the value of learning to be ever-present.

Meditation: As humans we are subject to the coming and going of emotions and thoughts. Often times our emotions and thoughts are out of our control. As much as we’d like to believe it, we can’t just tell ourselves to be happy, or to not be effected by this disappointment or to stop thinking about why your friends aren’t texting or why the man you’re interested in isn’t courting you. The thing we have some control over is our body. With meditation we sit in postures to control our body. As we discipline our body to hold still and be comfortable in what would usually be uncomfortable positions we are disciplining our selves to gain better control over the thoughts and emotions that are a little harder to overcome. Meditation is a time to clear your mind. Think about breathe alone. Think about a question without searching for an answer. Learn to be okay with the unknown. Learn to be unaffected by disappointment, but to still live in awe of each moment because that moment is present and special. 10 minutes of meditation a day can bring about greater ease and peace in our lives. It helps restore perspective.

Being awake is being completely aware of what your purpose is in life. Mother Teresa and Martin Luther King (and even Joseph Smith!) are examples of people who were awake. They knew they had a special calling in life and embraced that calling with all their hearts. They didn’t care how difficult it was, whether or not they would succeed and whether or not their friends and family understood. They understood themselves and their work and they lived everyday to carry out that work.  Each of us have something special to do. Something that just feels right. It’s who we are. It’s what we were made to do. Discovering what that thing is and rendering our hearts and souls to that calling is being awake. A complete sense of self. A confidence no one can shake. Being awake brings peace. It brings about ease and calmness. It provides fulfillment and purpose. When we understand our purpose, we can’t waste time on things that distract us from that purpose. We can be kind to everyone, but we can’t waste time on people or dogmas that try to drag us away from who we are. I’ve always tried to be authentic in my actions, words and beliefs. I think I’ll really be on to something when I discover my purpose and then can live in a way that all my actions are authentic to that purpose. I don’t want anything to tell me what that purpose is. I don’t want it to come from a friend, family member or church. I want that understanding to come from within. I want to be sure that it not only comes from within me, but that it is me. It won’t be embarrassed or persuaded by others. It will be proud, assured and pour out good energy. It will be attractive and good.

I just need to figure out how to discover that purpose!

Orientation inside the temple

Traditional buddhist meal: everything is must be eaten, recycled and as clean as it was before the meal started. Whitney and I are cleaning out our bowls after a dinner of rice, soup, tofu and veggies. 

Every religion has their rituals. This one included placing offerings for Buddha, or rather to support the monks that live at the facility. Offerings included rice, incense, fruit and candles.

Another ritual is doing 108 bows. That doesn't sound hard, but trust me, it is! The proper way to bow is to hold your hands in prayer position, go to your knees, bend down to touch your forehead and hands to the floor, raise your hands, go back to your knees, place your hands in prayer position and stand back up. The bows are done to a monks chanting and are fluid from one to the next. The purpose is to rid oneself of earthly desires. I finished the bows...sweating, but my quads hurt for days after so much squatting! 

Meditation inside the giant golden Buddha.

I love this temple. It is about 20 minutes from my house and so beautiful. It really caters to educating foreigners and the people are so kind and accommodating.

6am gardening

Painting traditional Lotus flowers.

The entire group at the end of the stay. 

One Little Life

Who would have thought all the pains and challenges of adulthood would actually affect us? A few years ago, I didn't believe it. I thought, 'I'm a good person, doing what I'm supposed to. I keep myself pure and even naive to the ugliness of the world. I'll be blessed. Because I keep myself away from the ugliness, it will stay away from me too.' Life sets in and we find that a desire to avoid the ugliness of the world is not reciprocal. Painful, ugly things creep in regardless of who we are or what we do. And that recognition is crushing! I did everything right! I wasn't supposed to hurt! I fought my hardest fight! Why am I still loosing? How can I learn to put all my faith and hope into something again when I now know what it feels like to loose everything I was fighting for? My life took an unpredictable path when I was 24 and I am finally okay with that. It's influenced who I am now for better and worse. Honestly, I'm still trying to make sense of our existence. I try to love life, love people and trust. I try to set high goals, work hard and be a good person. But sometimes I look around and think, "The gods must be crazy!". I can't help but occasionally imagine them sitting around that checkerboard of the world and just screwing with us. Then those seminary verses pop up, "Adam fell, that man might be, and man are that they might have joy." "This is my work and my glory, to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of men." And I find myself bouncing back and forth between belief, disbelief, hope and disillusionment.

I've accepted that in life, there is pain. We are going to have challenges that feel overwhelming. If God needs to throw more obstacles my way, that's fine. I'll deal with it. In some moments I don't really care if I'm good enough for Him. I just want to be good enough for me and for the people I know and love. Life is hard but I know I can slowly dig through the challenges. I believe in my ability to see the beauty and the goodness of mankind even when I am drowning in difficult things. I may become a little hardened with each disappointment, but I can face heartbreak. I probably even deserve some of them! 

Today, my heart is broken for my friend. I prepared my heart to face personal disappointments. I wasn't prepared for my friend's disappointments. She doesn't deserve to hurt. I want to take away her pain. I don't want her to feel empty. She was there for me when I was hurting. She spoke with maturity and hope. She listened and didn't try to rush my healing process. I've seen her fight for 7 months with the determination you read about in survival novels. She had deep resources of energy and poured every ounce of her soul into the fight. She believed and fought and believed some more. Today, she aches. Everything feels empty. But she keeps believing. Even at her lowest moment, this friend remains an example to me.

We all have challenges. It is how we overcome our challenges and still keep our integrity and hope that is the real test. To my friend: I ache with you. I love you. I look up to you. A friend gave me some advice when all seemed to be lost. She said, "You've dug deep, but this is when the real drilling begins."  Allow for moments of weakness, but don't forget your strength. Be angry if you need, but hold on to that gift of hope and assurance you've shared. Mourn for you lose, but take comfort in how many people have been touched and blessed by the one little life you shared. Ani and Ruby my thoughts are constantly with you. Thanks for your strength and example.