FREEDOM

As of late I have had the most overwhelming feeling of freedom. Prior to my recent three year engagement, I had so many hopes and plans for my future that primarily had to do with graduate education, metropolitan work, internships and opportunities, and travel. I have rediscovered my passion and excitement for accomplishing or at least trying to accomplish some of those things.

I have rediscovered my passion period and am so happy to feel like myself again! I have always been a very passionate person, full of life, excitement and wonder for the world around me. For a while, I felt like I had lost my passion. I was very aware and unhappy about this change. I tried to find things that would restore my passion, but I felt like elements of my life were sucking the passion from me and I even nicknamed these influences passion killers. Some of the influences were people and some of the influences were just an overwhelming feeling that I was trapped into a life that wasn't as fulfilling as I expected it to be. I just felt like I had settled for much less than I was capable of and I couldn't get out of it.

On paper my life seemed like I had a checked off pretty ambitious list, but I always wanted and expected more from myself. I never dreamed about being married by 21, owning a house by 24, or being a history teacher for 3 years at a mediocre charter school--I dreamed about working really hard in a challenging grad program, traveling the world, starting my own non-profit and writing a book. Now that I am free from a life that was good, but not really fulfilling to me, I am so excited to go and do whatever I want.

I now spend much of my spare time looking into grad school programs, internship opportunities, taking personality and career placement test, brushing up on math until my GRE course starts, and dreaming of where I will go and how I will save the money to get there. At first I was really afraid of these dreams. I had become comfortable in my Utah Valley life, where all you have to do is wear cool clothes, exercise regularly and participate in some sort of domestic craft to fit in. For a little while, I felt like that was all I amounted to. No wonder I lost my passion!

I am thrilled to have ME back. I know that I am capable of great things--things that are important and fulfilling to me, and will be much more cautious in the future about what I allow to get in between me and those dreams.