Shannon, 6 months out

This summer has been more challenging than I ever thought to even consider. I was completely unprepared for the challenges of moving away from my career and community and starting over. For the first time in my life, I have to make a very conscious effort to keep my discontent and cynicism at bay. I am still deeply affected by my divorce. I thought because the pain of rejection had subsided, I would naturally go back to being my optimistic and sensitive self. I thought I could go back to being “pre-Tyler” Shannon. I think recognizing that that person doesn’t exist anymore is what has brought me the greatest amount of sorrow. I was such a beautiful, wholesome and loving person. I know my marriage was unfulfilling and dysfunctional most the time, but it made sense. Life rarely makes sense anymore.

I have been mind numb this summer [Sorry to everyone who I have ignored, or failed to express my love and gratitude for lately…]. I can’t think, I can’t feel, I can’t perform like I used to. My thoughts are incomplete, my feelings are shallow and I lack the motivation and confidence to take on anything great.


I want is to face every skeleton and move on. I don’t want to be affected by this anymore. I want to be myself. I want to feel like I matter again. I want to be overwhelmed by the goodness of others and the beauty of the world around me. I want my passion for human kindness and my love for learning back.


I don’t know how to get these things back. I don’t know how to heal any faster. I don’t how to fix broken trust. I want to make sure that all my wounds heal up clean. I am not going to fill my mind with distractions and crap while my wounds scab over, just to have them open back up at the first sign of distress. I think what I am going through is temporary and just part of the healing process. I hope I am doing something right…


I have withheld from posting my writings this summer, because most of them sound like this; depressing. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this is part of the process. I want to remember all phases of going through a life changing challenge, so when I go through another, I will know what to expect. Maybe I’ll know how to heal faster next time. Maybe I’ll be the first person to write a book on overcoming divorce for the Latter-day Saint. (Deseret book only has books on how to make marriages last – I’ve checked). Maybe it will help me to comfort others who are going through a hard time too. Maybe there is meaning and purpose to being confused and depressed for a few months. I’ll let you know in my upcoming writings.