Tumbled

If I were to really tell you what I've been thinking about this summer, you'd be depressed. This summer has been an interesting time in my life. Surprisingly challenging. I've spent most of the summer trying to distract myself from my disappointment. For some reason I thought because I had gone through a hard thing this year, as soon as I moved away, everything would fall into place. Like I deserved "a break" from life's challenges. I don't know if life takes breaks.

I'm still recovering. I feel like I am a constant state of disorientation. The kind of disorientation you get when you're tumbled in the surf. You thought you dove deep enough, but the forces of nature have you struggling to find the surface, while simultaneously spreading salt and sand into every orphus of your body. When you're spit out onto the shore, you stagger for a few minutes. Remove the hair from your eyes, wipe the snot from your face and cough up what salt water you can.

I wonder if I am still caught in the wave, or am just recovering from the tumble.