Family: Perspective Regained, Hope Restored

The next 5 days are going to be the longest 5 days in Korea. At the end of them, I'm flying from Gimhae to Beijing, hanging out in the facebook-prohibited Beijing airport for 6 hours and then boarding a plane for LAX. At 9pm on Saturday, July 23rd I'm going to be in America, seeing my family, and I can't wait!

I have really enjoyed my time in Korea so far. I have learned so much about different cultures and people. I have made some really good friends and have learned how to identify the people that are uplifting. I have seen world wonders and experienced collective society living. Korea is a loving, happy and comfortable place to live. The people are so kind and helpful. BUT, they're not my family and I'm ready to go home for a time.

When I left for Korea, I was ready to move on. There were no tears, fears or regrets at departing. I love my family and my country deeply, but I was ready to take on a completely new experience, alone. I've been amazed at how close I have stayed to my family members as I've been away. With some members, I actually feel even closer. I'm so grateful for Skype, facebook and email. I am able to communicate with my family in someway on a daily basis. Being in Korea has shown me what an amazing family I have. They really care about me. They really love me. They make themselves available to talk and listen even when we have this strange time difference. They send me emails, post pictures of their children for me to see, and keep me informed on what's going on in their lives. They're interested in my life and want to hear about my experiences. The relationship they hold with me is completely selfless. They don't expect anything in return for their time. They truly just want to see me happy. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude when I recognize the deep bond I have with my family members. They are the most important thing in my life.

I needed this time away to remember the importance of family. I was so upset when I lost my potential family that I just wanted to be alone. I didn't want to believe that family was important because emotionally I couldn't deal with starting over and trying again. I wanted to believe that I could live a happy and meaningful life without relying on anyone. It felt so much safer. I've lived alone for over a year now and still hate it! I love being with people. I love meaningful relationships. I love having people in your life that you can say anything and nothing to. People who I can thoughtlessly hold hands with and give hugs too. Family is home. It's a place that is safe and loving. A place where selfishness doesn't exist. It's a place of unity and encouragement.

The strong positive feelings from such a union as family, also come with strong negative emotions when families are broken. Those emotions can bulldoze you into believing that family is not worth fighting for. For a while I was very nearsighted in my views on family. I kept focusing on my little family that didn't work out and allowed myself to be disillusioned about the concept of family. I'm so grateful my perspective has changed. I am so grateful to have parents that love each other and made it their life work to raise children that also know how to love each other. I still may not be ready to find someone to settle down with, but I have a better idea of what I'm looking for. I like ambition, passion, romance, etc. when it comes to finding a companion, but I now realize that the most important thing is to find someone who understands what family means and is committed to creating one that is selfless and successful.

I believe again that family is worth fighting for. My hope is returning that I can find someone who cares about creating a strong family as much as I do. I can't find the words to express how grateful I am for each member of my family (Aubrey Richardson and Kristen Hill included). Thank you for loving me when I wasn't very good at returning the love. Thank you for showing me that even though I fell off the horse, the ride that will follow is worth getting back on. I love you guys and can't wait to see you in 5 days!