Eyes Wide Open

This blog is a follow up on my "Loss of Innocence" blog.

I have thought a lot about losing the rose colored glasses I held so dear. At first I was angry about having to see the world for what was really there. I thought living a life in which I chose to see only the good was the best life I could live. I now have a difference of opinion.

I almost feel foolish for not taking a look at what was really there sooner. I was so determined to believe that my life, and specifically my marriage were right and good. I chose to be completely blinded by what was there. I think I did this because I didn't know what else to do and I had so much hope that things were good and would just get better.

I feel like the character in Plato's Allegory of the Cave. I believed shadows on a cave wall to be reality. This situation has thrust me into the light of truth. Such truth is very painful at first. You feel so lost and so deceived that you would love just go back into your ignorance. It was so safe there. As my eyes have adjusted to brightness of truth, I have found that I can now live a life filled with more color and more honesty. By seeing truth and by seeing the world for what is really there, I do experience greater sorrow, but also have a lot of hope that I will experience greater joy. I think I can now experience greater joy because I will be better prepared to recognize it. I will find true joy, rather than trying to force the puzzle piece of my life into being joyful.

I was really scared that I would turn into a cynic. Although, now I believe that does not have to be the case. Even though I no longer believe in the unblemished goodness of humankind, that doesn't mean that I automatically will see the worst in everyone either. I haven't exactly figured out how I will see things, although I hope that I can just see what is really there and respond appropriately.

Today I am content looking upon the good and the evil of the world. It feels truthful and right.

My innocence was taken from me, but I think what I lost is worth what I have gained and will continue to gain from this life lesson.