A Fresh Start

Tonight is my first night sleeping in my new place. Most of you who read my blog, at this point know that Tyler and I are going our seperate ways. This seperation for me officially began on January 1st, 2010, when I started moving my stuff out of our house. I had a good, hard cry the night before and was able to get through the weekend without a tear shed. As I looked at my house for the last time this morning, it no longer felt like home. It was not only empty of my personal possessions, but it was also empty of the hopes I had planned for my life in it.

My mom was a tremendous help this weekend. She was upbeat, hard working, full of encouragement and hope for the future and occassionally humorously vindictive. We were able to get what I wanted to keep moved out of the house and now I am simply situated in a little room, living like a college student again. (I didn't even bother with dishes. I will be using paper for the next 5 months and honestly don't care about how un-green that is at this point in my life. I am sure my passion for limiting waste will return as my spirits grow stronger). It is kind of nice living simply.

My mom and I had the help of some very generous and loving friends and family. I honestly could not have done this without them emotionally or physically. I am so grateful that during this challenging time, I have had so many friends and family stand by me and offer me there help so willingly. I have only realized the overwhelming feelings of love and service these people have for me at one other time, which was the day when I was married in the temple for eternity. Those who love you really do share your joy and your hardships. Thank you for being there for me.

I am still hurting and I am still scared. But I also have hope.

My mima gave me some great advice last week. She said, "If there is ANYTHING that is holding you back from reaching your fullest potential, which is returning worthily to our Heavenly Father, GET RID OF IT!" (paraphrased).

I have hope because I recognize now that I was not able to reach my fullest potential in my previous situation. I have hope because I know to a greater degree how much my Heavenly Father loves me. I have hope because I have a greater understanding of the atonement. I have been comforted and a burden that was too heavy for me to carry on my own has been lifted many times. I have hope because I know who I am. I know I will never compromise my standards or forsake my beliefs. I will always stand for what is true and what is right and sleep each night with a clear conscience. I have hope because with God I am strong and can endure anything that comes down my path. I have made a commitment to return to my Heavenly Father, and like my Mima said, I will get rid of anything that comes between me and that goal.

Everything is going to be alright.